The spider face

I was dragged out of bed in the dark this morning at 6am in response to ‘spider face’ … this being the Mister gone grey, eyes popping in sheer panic because the spider that he suspected was camping a way up in the skylight above the kitchen bench (because of a growing web) had finally come out to sit on the web in plain view. He really does get petrified – how could I not help? (Well, mostly because it meant he couldn’t go into the kitchen and make my lunch and breakfast actually).

Anyway – groggy in my PJs I got up onto the kitchen bench swaying with half-awakeness and looked up into the skylight to see where the spider was. This was a feat in itself because it was still dark outside so black spider, black sky through the glass meant I couldn’t see much plus it’s very difficult to look around a blinding halogen spot light only to be blinded a second time by it’s reflection in the black glass. However, with the panicked Mister trying to hand me the vacuum cleaner and NoMoreSpiders trigger pack at arm’s length without coming into the kitchen  I didn’t have much choice but to persevere. Got the vacuum cleaner precariously balanced on the bench counter and went in for the kill – SUCK – bye bye spider, and bye bye cob web and bye bye anything else that was in the other corners or on any surface of the skylight as frantically instructed by the Mister (“over there over there! Did you get that corner? What about that bit down the side? Is all the web gone?“). Sprayed a dose of NoMoreSpiders into the vacuum hose for good measure.

However, the sneaky bugger of a spider had hidden in a crack and after a minute or so came out again. Oh dear the Mister’s spider face was worse than the first time. So again – SUCK – got it that time! I felt awake enough by this stage to attempt NoMoreSpiders around the skylight however, knowing that spraying up would result in being showered I covered myself with a towel and went for it. It was just awful standing there being rained upon by NoMoreSpiders. I nearly cried. However, anything to save the Mister.

And I mean anything – next up was to prove to him that I had indeed rid our house of the spider. I pulled vacuum cleaner apart and put the dust catcher bit in the sink and sifted through it until I found the dead spider – this is the bit of my job as wife and spider catcher that I don’t like – showing the dead – especially as it’s usually only barely recognisable. So, despite my avid following of forensic shows and books where decomposed bodies are examined and picked through, I gagged and all the while pretended that it was one of those shows as I poked in the dust to show him the mangled body. Another measure of NoMoreSpiders into the dust ball just for good measure and we were finally right.

Late to work by about half an hour but breakfasted, and with lunch in my bag so a worthwhile early-morning job after all. Oh, and I can tell you that for days the Mister will be like a dog friend of ours (once saw a cat on a walk by the river 8 years ago and still goes back there every time to see if it’s still there) and stand at the skylight looking up just to make sure the spider is gone.

P.S. The spider was one of those common tiny little brown ones.


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